March 14, 2013
The books that I have been assigned to read at Belmont this year have rocked my world. Maybe my world was already being rocked and they just joined in on the fun. Either way, I’m sorry I haven’t been giving a full account of all of the influences in my life. I should start doing that because they are becoming quite a crowd, feeding off of each other and chattering relentlessly. It’s fun to hear all the voices in my head- they’re quite intelligent. I wish I had the downtime to give each of them an audience. This would be a much happier, effective monarchy is that were the case.
Do I sound like I’m crazy? Good. I want to be crazy. I want to be wildly intelligent, talking to myself, and enjoying my own company. It’s important to enjoy being alone. I feel like I am in a decreasing minority of people who know how to be alone without panicking. I sat in the cafeteria alone for dinner. I ate my vegetable soup and roll with my feet propped up on the chair next to me. Casual and commanding. That’s the vibe you’ve got to give off so people don’t feel bad for you. And people invariably will feel bad for you, even when you go out of your way to ensure they don’t. These are the people with strong empathy and poor solitude skills. They hate being alone and don’t understand that you might possibly be enjoying yourself.
Back off, extroverts.
You know, this journal has a character unlike all the ones preceding it. I don’t know if the size of it holds me accountable to writing good material or if I’ve just gotten to a sweet maturity in my writing styles, but this journal is alive. It’s raw and well-written, and I’m a fan. Good job, Ash.
[P.S. I change my major the next day and consequently have one of the best weekends of my life. Dreams really do come true.]